Is Honesty the Best Policy?
Just a few days ago, I have started reading 'Gentlewoman' by Mr.Enitan Berola.
Sidebar: I never finished it. I couldn't get into, but the illustrations were awesome.
Anyways, I was on the metro today reading the interview section of the book where Mr. Berola asked celebrities their views on numerous questions. He asked football players, actresses, and PlayBoy playmates, but what stuck out to me was Bryan Michael Cox answer to "What Do You Teach Your Son About Women?"
Mr. Cox said...
"I would teach my son that he should always be honest. I think where men go wrong with women is not being honest. [...] That's where the hurt is--that's where the hurt resides because you never gave her a choice. She didn't have the chance to say that's not what she wants to do or she's not going to do that. But you wanted to have your cake and eat it, too. You were selfish. You baited her in, she gave you her all and that's how you repay her? When really, if you were honest from the gate and said, "Listen, this is the kind of man I am...I'm a gentleman and I'll treat you right, but I've got this, this, and this," you give women the opportunity to make the choice."
I was clearly on the metro like "YASSSSSSSS! Speak that truth!", and honestly all my women who have ever been sold some fallacy by some Walt Disney wanna be are probably yas-ing to the aforementioned quote. This man is telling you, showing you, AND giving you the world like you are Princess Diana. Now men, I know there are some women out there selling you the dream, but this post isn't about you today. [I'll get to yall another day.]
Now...Ladies, I know we have been victimized or have a friend who has been a victim of a 'Walt Disney' character. Before I unleash why I was yas-ing Mr.Cox all wild on the metro, let's describe a Walt Disney.
- They tell you they do not know what they want OR they say they don't want a relationship, but time could change things.
- They pull out all the stops for you, feeding you the line that 'Nah, I don't do this for all girls'...knowing DAMN well they just did that for a girl last night.
- We are texting generation, unfortunately, but NOT Mr.Disney. He will call you and FaceTime you because he has 'missed your face' or 'missed your voice'.
- Holidays are Mr.Disney's SPECIALITY. Birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas...man New Year's? He's there WAITING for that New Year's kiss.
- Your friends are his friends, and visa versa. He makes a conscious effort to know your friends.
- It's not your future with him, it's OUR future.
- He takes you to meet his family.
There are more qualifications to Mr.Disney, but those are the key ones. Now, I know men are rolling their eyes at this point. Like dang, should I treat a woman I have no intentions of being serious with like crap? The answer is a resounding NO. Like Mr. Cox said, still be a gentleman but don't do relationship actions without the true intentions of it. Don't mislead a young lady into believing you are serious about her, but truly you aren't , then get mad at HER when she asks 'So what are we? What is this?' When your behind is acting like Mr. Disney. Got homegirl thinking you putting her up in the Cinderella castle with all the fixins when you not about that life.
We all have that one girlfriend who has been a victim of Mr. Disney's lies, fallacies, and fairytales. [Sidenote:No names, will EVER be disclosed in my blog.]. The guy tells her he doesn't really know what he wants right now he doesn't want a relationship, but things could change. She is in the same boat,too. Seeing as she, herself just got out of a really difficult relationship just a few months prior.
So they agreed to see how it all goes and just go with the flow. A couple months passed by and they started spending time with each other ALL the time. Like attached to the hip. He would stay with her all time and she would stay with him. Showering her with gifts and affection. Making her feel like she is IT. Texting her all day, calling her, facetiming her on the way to classes and back from classes, & openly being seen with her in public. Her birthday rolls around, he is bringing her roses, getting her a personalized cake, and giving her expensive gifts. Valentine's day, same behavior.
Holidays he loves them! Let's not even talk about Christmas. He is always hanging out with her and her friends, and is doing the most to be seen with her. Basically, he is taking relationship stepping stones. All he is talking about is the future... with her included. [Sidenote: the cookie jar has already been opened at this point] He, finally, is taking her to meet his family. She is in awe about how well she has been treated, but as any thinking human being, she is confused about what all this means for them.
On the drive back from the family encounter, she is perplexed over whether to ask the infamous question that encounters like this bring. Finally, she takes the plunge and asks "So what does this mean?" Of course Mr. Walt Disney, being the dream selling person he is, replies...
"Nothing. I just wanted you to meet my family."
Mind you at this point they have been dating for a couple months now. Confusion isn't the word. She doesn't believe introducing anyone to her family without it meaning something. This then made her asks, "So...why meet your family? What's going on? I'm confused."
"Hey, I like you alright, but don't read into it too much. I'm still trying to do me. Like no way are we being boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't know why you are getting upset."
Confused? Don't be. That's just another Grimms Brothers ending for a Walt Disney beginning. Worst part of this story? We all know MORE stories like this, of women who let their guard down for a Walt Disney numerous times.
When I hear stories like this I get PISSED! But it happens all the time. Boys clothed in men's clothing.
Not being completely honest in intentions and not having relationship checks, which is IMPERATIVE in any type of relationship, is not right. Don't do like Wizard of Oz did Dorothy. Going all the way down the yellow brick road, fighting off wild monkeys, sleeping poppies, and an evil witch JUST to find out you are fraud and no wizard at all.
Men...just be HONEST and CLEAR and your attentions. I am telling you, us women appreciate that wayyyyy more than being lied to.
You don't know what she is willing to deal with until you make your attentions clear. Treat a woman with respect without confusing what is actually happening. Reserve holidays, meeting friends, family, church outings, and the like for young ladies you plan to commit to. Plain and simple.
So all in all is honesty the best policy? Yes, men (...and people) it is. [...especially with relationships.]